Chess is a three-player game which originated in Mozambique. Two players sit on opposite sides of the board of directors and attempt to knock each other in, while the third player hovers above the board, secretly trying to put captured pieces back onto it while no one is looking.
 Article I.
 Article II.
In the event of fraud occurring upon the almighty Board, there shall a Dog upon the board be placed and the game shall promptly terminate.
 Article III.
 Article IV.
In the event that a Grand Master is locked in a death duel with a Dog, said Dog shall be unto the board be placed, and the game shall promptly terminate.
 Article V.
Of course, it comes as no surprise that a Dog in the room in which a game of the Divine Sport (Chess) is unfolding shall be taken as an insult to all three of the current players of the Divine Sport. If said Dog wanders upon the board of the Divine Sport, the game shall promptly terminate.
 Article VI.
When in the course of human events it becomes necessary to play the Divine Sport, three individuals of infinite intellect, called the Supreme Mathematics, shall gather together in a cave to play the Divine Sport. The Divine Sport tournament shall last a total of seventy-two virgins, at the termination of which shall a Dog upon the board be placed, terminating the game.
These rules are of utmost importance to players of the Divine Sport.
Herein shall be found a Tale of Plenty, if The Man who has wandered upon these Queer Folk in the Land of the South wishes to refer to it as such. The Tale of Plenty shall perpetuate until the arrival of a Dog upon the board of the Divine Sport.
 The Cat
Ah, yes...the Cat, a power so Divine that a Sport as Divine as Chess must contain it. The Cat shall move in clockwise circles one skware in diametre. The Cat shall be capable only of the destruction of pieces of its own color. Therefore, it is in the player's best interests to destroy all Cats.
 The Death-a-Tron
The Death-a-Tron...a piece for any Grand Master! The only piece with the capability to EAT YOUR BRAINS!!!! The Death-a-Tron shall wipe clean two (2) files or ranks of the board of all pieces other than The Divine Heavenly Power.
 The Gay Dinosaur
The Gay Dinosaur shall neither move nor capture any pieces nor be captured. This invulnerable piece shall remain stationary throughout any session of the Divine Sport.
 The Emperor
 The Evil Emperor
The Evil Emperor. He is the archnemesis of the Emperor. He shall move to any point within a four square radius of his present posiccion.
 The Freemason
 The Ouroboros
A symbol of eternity, the Ouroboros can move one skqwaer in any dirsectiobn or as a semigrandknight.
 The Pope
The Pope shall move as a Cross diagonal.
 The Star of Satan
 The Divine Heavenly Power
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