Consumption

     Whoops! Maybe you were looking for tuberculosis?

You cannot eat as much as you think you can. It is impossible to eat that much. Those chicken wings are way too spicy.

Part 1: You begin

Put the watermelon in your mouth. Eat a bit. Now more. More. More. More.

Now drink a glass of marmalade.

Now eat a box of oatmeal.

Now eat a candelabra.

Now eat a truck made of donuts.

Now eat an entire octopus.

Now eat something made of rubber (your choice)

Now ask your wife if she still loves you.

Haha, now it would seem that there is nothing you have that I cannot take away.

Part 2: You continue

Eat a poster of Jessica Alba.

Now eat two dozen roasted quails.

Now eat a bag of hammers.

Now eat a live crocodile (be careful, they have tails)

Now eat Sonic the Hedgehog (be careful, he has Tails)

Now eat legendary screen actor Humphrey Bogart (no tails.)

Now eat a peach, dude!

What have you accomplished today?

Part 3: You continue

Read the bible. Now, eat the bible.

Eat the Gospels.

Now eat the book of Revelations.

Now eat Genesis (yes, the entire band).

Now eat Genesis (yes, the entire bland).

Now eat a fresh Maine lobster.

Now eat a mainframe computer.

Find another bible.

Eat it.

Part 4: There's No Way You Can Go On

Eat senator Barack Obama.

Eat someone else topical.

There is no way you can still be hungry, but you just CAN'T STOP EATING!!!!!!

Eat a deck of playing cards.

Now eat a picture of dogs playing cards.

Now eat dogs while playing cards.

Now eat a novel by Ayn Rand.

Now eat a limited edition boxed set of Hogan's Heroes on VHS.

Now eat 20 live rats.

Now eat an autographed Ty Cobb baseball bat.

Eat another dozen wrenches.

Part 5: I Can't Believe This!

Eat a nice slice of humble pie.

Now eat a cow. A whole freaking cow.

Now eat a shoe horn.

Now eat a life-sized cardboard cut out of the state of Georgia.

Now eat a bag of pretzels.

Don't eat those pretzels.

Okay, just give me one too. I haven't eaten at all today.