IllogiNews:World ends 31/11/2011 to spite imagined 2012 doomsday believers
This article is part of IllogiNews, your sauce for chips and sausages.
The only known inhabited planet in the universe, Earth, was found dead in the early hours of this morning. Police have said they do not suspect foul play was involved. Earth had been battling drugs and existentialist depression for some time, and its thought that a combination of heavy narcotics and a longstanding mantle infection had led to a delusionary state which would have made death seem inevitable to the ailing planet. While famed for his earlier work with evolution by the mid-1800s constant use of atmospheric gases was beginning to visibly affect his craft.
Sadly, he became increasingly secluded as his CO2 abuse snowballed into a hydrocarbon addiction, and by the early 2000s he was injecting up to 2,000 oil extraction needles into himself at any one time each day. By the start of 2011 he had dropped out of the public eye completely. Expert Logan Run had this to say:
|With the drugs Earth was taking its entirely plausible that it would have succumbed to imaginary voices it would have believed to have been coming from all over it's back. While its almost impossible to say what these voices might have said that could of convinced himself to do such a thing, it has been a common theme among schizophrenia patients to believe the voices predict that you have only until December 21, 2012, to live. Scientists aren't yet sure why, but that date does seem to be fairly definite for some reason. In such a mentally deluded state, it isn't surprising that the world decided to end.|
|Also considering this, the fact that this interview is even taking place, or that anyone can read it is pretty mystifying. We'll probably have to run some tests on it. Have a good New Year's Eve everybody!!|