Passing a kidney stone
Hey viewers, guess what time it is?
IIIIITTS TIIIIME FOOOOR...
PASSING A KIDNEY STONE!! YES, PASSING A KIDNEY STONE!! Theoneandonlygameshowwhereifyoucanpissit, YOOOOU CAN WIN IT!!
(Host jumps on stage)
Host: "Hey guys! and welcome toooo Passing a Kidney Stone! I'm your host, Kidney Stone!! (host laughs) I'm only joking. BUT THAT'S NOT MY NAME EITHER!!! MY NAME'S CHUCK!!!!!"
Chuck: "AND NOW IT'S TIME TO MEET OUR CONTESTANTS!! Hello contestant number one. What is your name?"
Contestant #1: "Chuck."
Chuck: "THAT'S MY NAME TOO!!!"
Chuck: "Why don't I just call you wiener. Are you okay with that, wiener?"
Chuck: "HE SAYS YES!!"
Chuck: "All-righty then! Moooving on to contestant number two. How are you doing today contestant number two?"
Contestant #2: "Well, I just came up from—"
Contestant #2: "......Huh? Oh... Well, you see, I was just saying that I just—"
Contestant #2: "...wha...?"
Chuck: "You're going to have to speak up contestant number two."
Contestant #2: "Hmm? Oh. Okay. Anyway, I just found out from my doctor a few days ago that I have a tumor in my brain, and, well, I don't have much money for the operation, you see. So I called up your producer, Mr. Stevenson -that's his name, right? Anyway, he said that he could get me on the show the next day so that maybe I could win some money for the operation, ya know? Such a nice guy. Well, of course, I was so thrilled, I didn't even realize that—"
Chuck: "OKAY!! let's a-move-it-on-over... to contestant number THREE! How's it going contestant number three?"
Contestant #3: "It's going very well. Thank you."
Chuck: "I hear that you're married contestant three. Is that right?"
Contestant #3: "That is indeed true. We just had a baby, in fact."
Chuck: "Ooh, a baby? How nice."
Contestant #2: "Umm... excuse me... Chuck? erm... excuse me... I don't think I really got to finish my story..."
Chuck: "SO! Where'd she have it? In the hospital?"
Contestant #3: "Yep. She did."
Chuck: "Wow... the hospital..."
(tears begin to well up in Chuck's eyes)
Chuck: "That reminds me of a very— (sob) —VERY sad story about a dear, dear friend of mine. I don't... I don't know if I can tell it..."
Contestant #3: "Oh, well it's okay if you can't—"
Chuck: "ALLRIGHT! I will. Well, he was a contestant... on this gameshow I was hosting... His name was... Ballsack. Yes, Sticky Ballsack was his name. He had... he had... (brief hesitation) A TUMOR!"
(Chuck breaks out in tears, audience cries with him)
Chuck: "IN HIS BRAIN!! When I heard the news I felt TERRIBLE! I felt like I could just... I could just DIE!"
(faint shouts of "No! Don't say that, Chuck!" in the back of the audience)
Chuck: "I DID!! Oh man, oh man oh man.... I remember... he told me that he came on the gameshow to see... well,... to see if he could win some money to pay for his... for his... (sob) ...OPERATION!... (many sobs) ...I just pray... I just pray each night that he will live to see another day...... Well... So that's my story. I'm sorry I had to put you through this."
Contestant #3: "Oh... oh no, it's perfectly fine."