Preeble

PREEBLE (full title: PREEBLE: BEING THE TALE, THAT IS, THE STORY, OF THE HERO PREEBLE, AND HOW, IN HIS TIME, HE DID SLAUGHTER THE HORRID DEMON, AND DID, THROUGH HIS OWN HEROIC DEEDS, HEROICALLY DO MANY A GREAT DEED, THE HERO, BEING PREEBLE, DID DO) is an epic poem first put to paper in the early 12th century. It is translated here, in its entirity (aside from one line I don't like), to illogicopedia. The story tells of a hero by the name of Preeble, and his heroic exploits.

I

Pockets out, were the days of lobe.

And so it was that day,

For sooth, upon it's shell was cast.

And did they did, they went to their pagan rights,

when for,

he was appeared, him, he, who was then called Preeble,

and his shoes feet on were they, Lo, they were not,

For, the socks of him were under them, on them, and beneath

the shoes of St. Peter they were

'tis why they didn't fit

But then, alas,

Did paper league,

And to again the pagan

Beneath the second use

And they were incoherent in their efforts, and then was there

In their pagan way, they cursed them, for so,

and he did with walk, a step, and worms beneath

the ground

trembled and ate and pooped within it, with air, and thou,

and so, yet, another.

It was that very day that blasted,

and caterpillar when and thither, did pasta begin to waken

in the earth as well, for it was there that it lived

before going into hollow tubes to jump, leapeth,

hurl themselves upon.

II

And so, forth did Preeble proceed, with a step one other another, did follow,

and fell, floor, natural, floor of nature being dirt

was on the ground, on which, his foot fall did, in fall, in leaves of color many.

His favorite color was not a one of them, among them not,

so, in his first great heroic deed,

being heroic deed #1 for our heroic hero,

he heroically colored a leaf of an ugly brown, a leaf of ugliness,

so that it was a new color

that color being his favorite, that is, the favorite color of him;

that color being magenta, with a tint of pink, and slight purple being present.

Thus, so forth, and forth did ride they.

Then, did the horror strike, the demon, the monster from 4 centimeters,

or 5,

the precise measurement not known for sure,

but likely to fall on a number being less than the number of 10, or 12,

or perhaps 8, all numbers, between, and so it goes.

The monstrous monster, the foe, the sum of all evils,

and the dividend of all doom,

was birthed, born, a slimy beastie by the name of Brumble being his name,

did emerge from under a leaf to wreak havoc upon the world,

and then, yes, for he was there,

and so it was, the doctor and his elven lore,

and a tree nearby was a telephone poll, if they exist,

and the creature did growl menacingly

but then, did the hero, our hero, the noble Preeble of honorable honor,

did with his foot step

upon the beast with his foot,

squelshing it into a puddle of brownish liquid, to which

did Preeble speak, his mouth movement creating sounds,

sounds formation, forming words on an assembly line did say:

"I stepped in dog poop."

To which he wiped his shoes upon a leaf,

of green, now brown, not his favorite color being,

So.

III

PEBBLE fall of cliff

PEBBLE fall of cliff

And, end it wary wendesday

On the wednesday not Thursday it was, that friday

Saturday on Sunday Monday

And then

being the day that it was

Preeble reached, reached not with arm

Arm of hair, at times, but not this time,

for he reached figuratively, as in arrived,

not only when this was occurring but always, for then,

did he show up, not in the upward directional sense,

at destination that was his, being a restroom being.

Heroically, the hero did sit upon the mighty throne, being the hole in the wood,

and the heroic poop did fall, with a "plop", onto the pile therein,

did the flies, the buzz, they made the noise, and thine

as such, did apples fall, apples wings,

and dimples, dimples cheeks,

did noble Preeble swipe at them with his broomstick

which was actually his hand that was on his leg,

therefore his foot, not his hand,

that he swiped with therein, heroically.

Nobly, he wiped his mighty buttox with the toilet papyrus,

and did toss it into the pit, where it lay, upon the mound aforementioned

by the poet, the poet being me, the translator actually,

but in the case of the original, this being it, only translated,

therefore, not the original, but the translation,

alas, Twigs.

IV

And so, did he shut the door, but it would not,

but it did nonetheless, did he close it, and

walk more.

So did the evening dawn of twilight, so it did,

as it was, were the way of the time of dorn,

and so it began that conclusion did show,

and summit of it was beyond,

as occured it did, within the constraints of course,

did he walk another step,

and another did step, walketh he, for another second did it take,

and thus things went, with little change,

yet document them there they were,

to them around underneath always to them,

and continuing for then,

did he arrive at the village, where a market was,

with four people in it,

one being of little importance, aside from orb, and candle wax,

piano stand, though I shouldn't know what that is,

did continue they, day, nay,

"Aye," said he,

and forth did spring, a step, a walketh, and thus he

bought an orange for only 5 shillings, perhaps four

tis a shilling, what is?

Then, did he be asked by the king,

for troubled their kingdom was,

not troubled as in disturbed in mental head, where water dwells,

water which cannot speak, as liquid has no mouth,

yet water is what makes,

all, living things which indeed do talk, as nothing is everything,

and the sun did be a little on the warm side,

and did he approach, aye, he did,

the king of the troubled kingdom, who to him, to no other, no, to him alone

spake: "Aye, great Preeble,

I have heard of the exploits of thine exploits,

the heroic deeds committed, nay, ACHEIVED by you, no, yes, by you,

such as your heroic painting of an old woman's back fence

and your opening of a door,

and your polishing of a fork with a spot on it,

and especially, nay, not especially, 'tis understatement,

nay, overstatement, for under statement is under, when stated be,

your successsful filing of a heroic insurance paper."

Then, did a banquet be held, and was much food served:

Lamb, pork, ale, wine of all sorts, white, red, off-white, tan--

grapes, apples, oranges, all manner of fruits and exotic spices from afar--

pepper, salts from India, Halapeno, Splenda,

and much meat was served: Venison, goose, duck, chicken breast,

chicken thigh, chicken leg,

roast pork, salted pork, roast pork with some salt on it,

fresh milk, skim milk,

soy milk, vegetable oil,

saltine crackers, swiss cheese, goat cheese,

goat meat, goat milk, fresh beef,

beef stew, vegetable stew, roasted beans,

ground beef, tenderloin, steak,

swan, gopher, wallaby, wild boar,

olives aplenty, more oranges, juices of all types,

human eyeballs, cherries, carrots, celery,

and bread. But what they ate is not important.

Then, did the manner, the nature, of the calling of Preeble to the town,

the village, the local village, become known to Preeble, but not to the king,

who knew already. The king spake:

"I, king Hrofldaan, son of Lkaadmiich, son of Blaadma,

son of Plamkiich, son of Vurmdon, son of Glvambim, son of Cloovva,

son of Wicsgquu, son of Glavdich, son of Hruumhteir, son of Claveshine,

son of Balthhuu, son of VBoopdd,

son of Fyuudine, son of R9,,@@mm//, son of unit G-H72,

son of Hard-wired disk drive #56, son of Timble,

son of Timble, son of Timble, son of Dibmllee,

son of Mipples, son of Sorxxyuy, son of FLuuBjemd@!((, son of GJ###,

son of AJOTRJ$, son of Bob, son of Heleath, son of THelath, son of Bileath, son

of Bimbley, son of G, have called they to my lair because I, king Hrofldaan,

son of Lkaadmiich, son of Blaadma,

son of Plamkiich, son of Vurmdon, son of Glvambim, son of Cloovva,

son of Wicsgquu, son of Glavdich, son of Hruumhteir, son of Claveshine,

son of Balthhuu, son of VBoopdd,

son of Fyuudine, son of R9,,@@mm//, son of unit G-H72,

son of Hard-wired disk drive #56, son of Timble,

son of Timble, son of Timble, son of Dibmllee,

son of Mipples, son of Sorxxyuy, son of FLuuBjemd@!((, son of GJ###,

son of AJOTRJ$, son of Bob, son of Heleath, son of THelath, son of Bileath, son

of Bimbley, son of G, am in desperate need of aid, from you, not

anyone else,

for anyone else isn't you,

nor are they me, for I am me, and you, so sayeth, you, are you, I believe,

you are, for I am calling you, called you, to Hither, from Yonder.

Hither is in danger, is

why you left Yonder, to assist Hither,

for we of Hither are in peril, grave, yes, indeed, peril so grave that even I,

king Hrofldaan, son of Lkaadmiich, son of Blaadma,

son of Plamkiich, son of Vurmdon, son of Glvambim, son of Cloovva,

son of Wicsgquu, son of Glavdich, son of Hruumhteir, son of Claveshine,

son of Balthhuu, son of VBoopdd,

son of Fyuudine, son of R9,,@@mm//, son of unit G-H72,

son of Hard-wired disk drive #56, son of Timble,

son of Timble, son of Timble, son of Dibmllee,

son of Mipples, son of Sorxxyuy, son of FLuuBjemd@!((, son of GJ###,

son of AJOTRJ$, son of Bob, son of Heleath, son of THelath, son of Bileath, son

of Bimbley, son of G, cannot defeat it, nor can I deal with it, for that is why

I asked you Hither."

V

And then, Credit Card number being given, as sun,

and moon, not at the same time, no spaces between, and

as it, so,

did Preeble ask what the hell the problem was.

And so, did the king, king Hrofldaan, respond: "I,

king Hrofldaan, son of Lkaadmiich, son of Blaadma,

son of Plamkiich, son of Vurmdon, son of Glvambim, son of Cloovva,

son of Wicsgquu, son of Glavdich, son of Hruumhteir, son of Claveshine,

son of Balthhuu, son of VBoopdd,

son of Fyuudine, son of R9,,@@mm//, son of unit G-H72,

son of Hard-wired disk drive #56, son of Timble,

son of Timble, son of Timble, son of Dibmllee,

son of Mipples, son of Sorxxyuy, son of FLuuBjemd@!((, son of GJ###,

son of AJOTRJ$, son of Bob, son of Heleath, son of THelath, son of Bileath, son

of Bimbley, son of G, have a cardboard box, and a present,

being a present for my sister, my sister being Ghuughthluu. The present,

being a gift,

for Christmas, nay, not Easter, nor Summer, though summer

is a splendid time for gift giving, nay, 'tis not for that,

though indeed. Tis a Christmas gift, but it has nothing to do with the problem,

for the problem, being the problem we be facing, facing us, that is,

it is: one of our dwellings, a home of one of us,

'tis missing a shingle. Can thee, with your power

beyond any mortal man,

with your mighty might, heroic hero,

might you, thee, and thee so inclined if so,

to repair the shingle?"

And so, Preeble agreed, and so they feasted again,

and again did they dine heavily upon such mighty foods, did was again served:

Lamb, pork, ale, wine of all sorts, white, red, off-white, tan--

grapes, apples, oranges, all manner of fruits and exotic spices from afar--

pepper, salts from India, Halapeno, Splenda,

and much meat was served: Venison, goose, duck, chicken breast,

chicken thigh, chicken leg,

roast pork, salted pork, roast pork with some salt on it,

fresh milk, skim milk,

soy milk, vegetable oil,

saltine crackers, swiss cheese, goat cheese,

goat meat, goat milk, fresh beef,

beef stew, vegetable stew, roasted beans,

ground beef, tenderloin, steak,

swan, gopher, wallaby, wild boar,

olives aplenty, more oranges, juices of all types,

human eyeballs, cherries, carrots, celery,

and bread, were eaten, and devoured, eagerly.

Then, were gifts presented to the hero, who took them, and treasured

them all, except the cheap gift certificate bought by one townsperson,

being not at all a creative gift, though it tasted quite good

if it had been eaten, which,

alas, indeed it was not,

though if it, indeed, though 'twas.

VI

And so, they slept, and said nothing:

"

."

Like that. For a night, not a day, a night indeed, did they sleep.

VII

That morning, did the hero awaken heroically,

and he made his bed mightily after arising from it,

and did the townspeople gather and watch,

and marvel at how he tucked in the sheets under the mattress,

and envy his superior pillow fluffing skills,

and watched in awe, as did he, though he did not,

for watching himself would be folly, did He brush his noble teeth,

with a nooble toothbrush covered in

the toothpaste, being sugar or water, either of neither, and so to then.

As if did so, and they forged as he.

Then, did he fetch the heroic latter, and as he got it, the people fell back,

and he ascended it,

and with great care taken, pulled out a nail, and a hammer being taken out as

well, by he, none other than he, for no other person could do such a thing,

and he did nail the nail into the roof, the shingle being under it,

under the nail, between the roof, the hammer being pounding

on the nail, driving, it in to the roof, with pounding, as such.

And as he finished, the people cheered, for he had repaired their roof,

and ended their suffering.

As the day passed, he committed many a noble deed, did he,

as so, and soon, did step did pass,

as did he peel a banana,

and change a baby's diaper

all to the awe of the people who showered him with praise, and again

did they dine, and eat at their feast, these things:

Lamb, pork, ale, wine of all sorts, white, red, off-white, tan--

grapes, apples, oranges, all manner of fruits and exotic spices from afar--

pepper, salts from India, Halapeno, Splenda,

and much meat was served: Venison, goose, duck, chicken breast,

chicken thigh, chicken leg,

roast pork, salted pork, roast pork with some salt on it,

fresh milk, skim milk,

soy milk, vegetable oil,

saltine crackers, swiss cheese, goat cheese,

goat meat, goat milk, fresh beef,

beef stew, vegetable stew, roasted beans,

ground beef, tenderloin, steak,

swan, gopher, wallaby, wild boar,

olives aplenty, more oranges, juices of all types,

human eyeballs, cherries, carrots, celery,

and bread, all to the dining of all, to eat.

Then, did the king, become troubled,

and ask of the hero another great deed

of course, and sooth.

VIII

The king spake, spoke to himself, but to others as well,

mainly to the great Preeble, who now was gorged,

celebrated as a hero, a naked woman on each arm

and a large insect on his left shoulder

with legs

an d a head, though for all, purposes, it was another leg

for what is a head but a leg, with a brain, functioning as a limb

for sooth

and so.

The king, he said, to none other than Preeble, who did listen:

"I, king Hrofldaan, son of Lkaadmiich, son of Blaadma,

son of Plamkiich, son of Vurmdon, son of Glvambim, son of Cloovva,

son of Wicsgquu, son of Glavdich, son of Hruumhteir, son of Claveshine,

son of Balthhuu, son of VBoopdd,

son of Fyuudine, son of R9,,@@mm//, son of unit G-H72,

son of Hard-wired disk drive #56, son of Timble,

son of Timble, son of Timble, son of Dibmllee,

son of Mipples, son of Sorxxyuy, son of FLuuBjemd@!((, son of GJ###,

son of AJOTRJ$, son of Bob, son of Heleath, son of THelath, son of Bileath, son

of Bimbley, son of G, ask of thee another great favor, for I,

king Hrofldaan, son of Lkaadmiich, son of Blaadma,

son of Plamkiich, son of Vurmdon, son of Glvambim, son of Cloovva,

son of Wicsgquu, son of Glavdich, son of Hruumhteir, son of Claveshine,

son of Balthhuu, son of VBoopdd,

son of Fyuudine, son of R9,,@@mm//, son of unit G-H72,

son of Hard-wired disk drive #56, son of Timble,

son of Timble, son of Timble, son of Dibmllee,

son of Mipples, son of Sorxxyuy, son of FLuuBjemd@!((, son of GJ###,

son of AJOTRJ$, son of Bob, son of Heleath, son of THelath, son of Bileath, son

of Bimbley, son of G, have noticed that the poem hath extended in length, it has;

long, it has grown indeed, for extensive scrolling, if such a word exists,

which it does not, for tapestries and papyrus have not mouses, yet if it did,

extensively it would be needed, for length to excess has become."

And, did Preeble, upon hearing this statement, did spake;

responding, in an answer, to the king's statement:

"No need to fear, king Hrofldaan, son of Lkaadmiich, son of Blaadma,

son of Plamkiich, son of Vurmdon, son of Glvambim, son of Cloovva,

son of Wicsgquu, son of Glavdich, son of Hruumhteir, son of Claveshine,

son of Balthhuu, son of VBoopdd,

son of Fyuudine, son of R9,,@@mm//, son of unit G-H72,

son of Hard-wired disk drive #56, son of Timble,

son of Timble, son of Timble, son of Dibmllee,

son of Mipples, son of Sorxxyuy, son of FLuuBjemd@!((, son of GJ###,

son of AJOTRJ$, son of Bob, son of Heleath, son of THelath, son of Bileath, son

of Bimbley, son of G, for I, Preeble, have a solution, to this, this dilemma, to

which you have aforementioned, and referred to, yourself. Should it end now,

the excessive length

that is, the longness,

of the poem, the epic poem of epic length and volume,

'twould be remedied."

The king agreed, he did nod his head,

his head which contained a skull, eyes,

and did hold a brain, with which he thought, and pooped, mentally, through,

not the literal, of hole, beyond.

Did the great Preeble end the poem, he did, for he chose, that as

his final heroic deed, he would do so, so he did take out

his mighty object, with which, he had acquired, he had,

and spake: "Now, I shall end the poem!"

Then they all died.

THE END.