Scientology

“To be honest, I think it's $cientology.”

~ André Breton

Scientologists sometimes moonlight as vampire hunters.

Scientology once sang Bohemian Rhapsody to a jetpack and died.

Origins

Scientology was created by L. Ron Hubbard after he wasted 7 hours in an outhouse having a deeply philosophical conversation with an ear of corn. It turns out the ear of corn was named Algonquin and he smelled of overstuffed milk barrels complete with crooked green teeth and a hangover leftover from having a liquid dinner with his cancerous step-grandmother.

Etymology

If it was just called "scienceology" (the study of science) then that would be perfectly straightforward, but instead there's this superfluous letter "T" in the middle of the word. So somehow, Scientology is the study of science and Mr. T.

Basic tenets of Scientology

All of our hamburgers are cooked with love.

• He who smelt it dealt it.
• If it's brown, flush it down.
• If it's yellow, let it mellow.
• Fighting is not allowed in the war room.
• You put the lime in the coconut and drink them both up.
• Don't come a-knockin' if this spaceship is a-rockin'.

Relationship with other religions

Scientology likes to beat up on Christianity and sometimes it sets fire to bags of dog poop and leaves them on the doorstep of Judaism. Also, it has been known to prank call Hinduism, goose Islam, and sell stale cream cakes to Buddhism.

Controversy (or lack thereof)

Scientology is loved by everyone. There is absolutely no controversy associated with Scientology. It has never been connected with anything negative in our society.

See also

• L. Ron Hubbard