Exceptionally Clean Public Bathrooms

Like, who the fuck cleans this thing?

You ever go into a public bathroom and it's like really clean?

There is no excess urine on the ground. No toilet paper strewn beneath the seat? You don't feel shamed for not being able to control your bladder (or sphincter) for the duration of time you were in public?

Quite the feeling, isn't it?

Of course, this bathroom didn't get so clean on its own. There was, no doubt, some child with an undiagnosed social disorder smearing his own feces on the wall just hours earlier, but someone came in and worked their magic.

Part One

Aw, darnit. Someone shit in the sink again.

Janice moaned. She'd have to use extra Windex on this one.

Part Two

Clean, clean, clean. Sure wish someone would clean me.

Janice sighed. She hadn't had a sexual experience since Obama was re-elected, and she wasn't sure if those events were related.

Part Two

Sometimes I wish I had a college education.

Janice lamented the position she was in, cleaning up literal shit for a living.

Part Four

Looks like my work is done here.

Janice leaves the men's bathroom, cleaner than it was before.

Part Four

You walk into the bathroom like you own the place, completely unapppreciative of Janice's hard work. You come in and shit in the toilet, leaving skid marks and toilet paper all over the place. How disrespectful was that?

And wouldn't you know it, your actions are a direct metaphor for how the United States treated the Laotian people during the Vietnam War. Wouldn't you look at that? Checkmate.