User:The Bard

This user is, like, Canadian, eh?

This user has been on Illogicopedia for 4 years, 6 months and 3 days.

This user is trying to keep things clean.

This user does the best impression of a sane person you've ever heard.

This user is illogical enough to have won The Pickle.

Who am I?

I've been trying to help out the wiki community as an admin since 2005. In addition to being the Illogicomedia Foundation's Benevolent Dictator For Life (Owner/Bureaucrat) and a contributor and blogger for Illogicopedia, I like to keep good relations with other wiki family members and their users as a...

• Bureaucrat at Simple English Uncycopedia
• Administrator on Babel
• Rollback on UnMeta
• Rollback on UnCommons

What am I doing?

Yes, I understand that articles on Illogicopedia needn't be funny nor make sense. Despite this, I'm going to go my own way and write stuff that hangs together reasonably well and makes me laugh. I'm also going to write creative prose which may only contain the odd joke, or only a few very odd jokes. Sorry if you don't like that. Perhaps you're completely indifferent... but if you couldn't care either way, then why are you still reading this? Just to see how much more I'll write? Well get ready to be bored to tears, because I could keep just keep on writing and writing all da-

What have I dumb done dumb?

Recently

Peter Jackson • Illogicomedia Foundation • Jim Corndog • Illogicomedia Foundation unveils new logo • Illogicle • Illogicomedia Foundation appoints Bard Benevolent Dictator For Life • Wankipedia • Harry Potter and the Chamber of Somethings • Harry Potter and Photographer of Al Jazeera • Harry Potter and the Goblet of Water (with Mynameissecret) • Nay broth nay ab schnuck • Another Weasley • Solar system • A Brief History of History • Eve Hill • Forest Fire Week • OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Deletion) • Plagiarism • Billy Graham (letter to Roberto) • Enter the Chicken

Cumulatively

Featured Illogicopedian

This user is a winner of the Illogicopedian of the Month award.

(See other winners)

1. 1:06 AM
2. 22.86 Centimetre Nails
3. 4′33″
4. A Beginner's Guide to Speaking Tamarian
5. A belated favour to Morrissey - with featured image
6. Alternative Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous
7. An Open Letter to the Cheese Growing in Between My Toes (Part I of The Cheese Trilogy)—Top 10 of 2009
8. An article with something in it‎
9. Animal Liberation Through Human Marination
10. Another Weasley
11. Ants in my Driveway
12. Apology
13. Autoconfirmed users‎
14. Billy Graham
15. Billy Graham (letter to Roberto)
16. Brain go bye-bye juice
17. A Brief History of History
18. British Invasion
19. The Buckauwk Variations
20. Bus wife
21. Canada (expansion/rewrite)
22. Canadian content
23. Captain's log
24. Cat chasing a hamster on a keyboard
25. Celebrity Deathmatch
26. Celebrity Roast
27. Cheap suit
28. Chicken of the Sea - with featured image
29. Cluck loonie
30. The Complete Anthology of Apologies for All Crimes Committed Since the Dawn of Time, Volume One
31. The Complete Idiot's Guide To Talking To Women‎
32. Contemplating my non-existence
33. Cruft
34. Current events
35. David Gilmour
36. Dead Politicians Club
37. Dear John letter
38. Diary of a Madman‎—Featured, plus Winner of Ze Pickle, Illogic Pickle 4.1
39. Dog chasing a cat chasing a hamster on a keyboard
40. Does anyone actually read this crap?‎
41. Doo-wappa-doo
42. Dwight Schultz
43. Ecky-Thump‎
44. Edward Bulwer-Lytton
45. Embracing Mediocrity‎
46. Englench
47. Enter the Chicken
48. Ethnicity
49. Eve Hill
50. Illogicle
51. Ex-Wal-Mart employee pleads guilty to fraud
52. Failure University‎
53. Fair use
54. The Fairy Dogmother's Compendium of Alphabetical Stories (with T3canolis, THE, and ReMbRaNdTxxZxx)
55. Fake announcer voice
56. Fecal E. Coli
57. Fcck
58. Flin Flon
59. Forest Fire Week
60. Fozzie Bear
61. Franco-American War
62. Garrison Keillor
63. Harry Potter and the Chamber of Somethings
64. Harry Potter and Photographer of Al Jazeera
65. Harry Potter and the Goblet of Water (with Mynameissecret)
66. Harry Sphincter
67. Heywood Banks
68. The Hobbit
69. Hobbit Sex
70. Horton Hires a Ho
71. How Do I Love Thee
72. How To Make a Bird Shut Up (with Fashionista5676)
73. I Wandered Lonely Through A Cloud
74. I've got three cheeks
75. Ice cream truck
76. Illogicomedia Foundation
77. Illogicomedia Foundation appoints Bard Benevolent Dictator For Life
78. Illogicomedia Foundation unveils new logo
79. Illogicopoly
80. Invictus
81. Irate neighbour with a hedge clipper chasing a dog chasing a cat chasing a hamster on a keyboard
82. Jeez! How long does it take???
83. Jim Corndog
84. John Turner
85. Kinsey Report No. 3: Sexual Behavior in Hamsters
86. Linus Torvalds
87. LINUX
88. List of Reasons Not To Kill You In Cold Blood Right Where You Stand
89. Litter a see is on Dee Kline expurtz say
90. The Mating Habits and Migratory Patterns of Peter Jackson
91. MediaWiki (advertisement)
92. Memory (with Readmesoon)
93. Micro$oft Window$
94. Mon pénis a été mangé par des gnomes‎
95. Nay broth nay ab schnuck
96. Neil Young
97. The Nicest Guy in Hell
98. The Night After Christmas
99. The Norton Anthology of Poetry, Vogon Edition‎
100. Tom Servo
101. OCD
102. OCD (Obsessive-Compulsive Deletion)
103. Ode to the Crunchy Cheese Clinging to the Teflon of my George Foreman Grill (Part II of The Cheese Trilogy)
104. On a stick
105. Oscar Mayer
106. Ozymandias
107. Peter Jackson
108. Pianophone
109. Pirate University
110. Plagiarism
111. Pork is evil
112. Prima donna
113. Processor
114. Proctology
115. Prosthetic Foot Fetishes
116. R. L. Stine
117. Richard M. Stallman
118. Rock Hudson
119. Ronnie James Dio's Big Book of Nursery Rhymes
120. The Road Not Taken
121. The Root of All Evil
122. Rye
123. St. Ignucius
124. Save page
125. Shall I Compare Thee
126. Sir Not-Appearing-in-this-Film
127. Solar system
128. Some plant I made up just now
129. Stench
130. Sue
131. Teapot
132. The Taming of the Shrew
133. Test (with Readmesoon)
134. There is no compulsion in religion
135. To Be Announced
136. ToddiPhone Viral Marketing Campaign
137. The Tragically Hip
138. The Vagina Monologues
139. Veganism as environmentally harmful as meat production, scientists prove
140. Wankipedia
141. WfNamespaces*cache Array **retrieve Array * alias * Array * (broken server in-joke)
142. Whale swims through downtown London
143. Why are we here?
144. Why play bass?
145. William Shatner
146. The Writer's Almanac

Imagitivelywise

My gallery, including some of my featured images (well, just the two of 'em, actually) is here...

Other articles I recommend

Ones I collaborated on without permission

HowTo:Make a Bird Shut Up • Harry Potter and the Goblet of Water • Illogicopedian Times • IllogiNews • Vandalpedia

Ones I enjoyed as-is

Omegle • Porcelain Theocracies

Emergency GTFO terminal

 
bard@linux:~$ whatis illogicopedia
illogicopedia: nothing appropriate
bard@linux:~$ poweroff_  
 

Total Edits: 3205 • Articles Written: 146 • Pictures Created: 28 • Creations Featured: 10