V.F.D.

V.F.D. is the common name for the multi-billion dollar organisation owned by the Intrubé Dynasty and the Snicket family. Its main exports are Coca Cola, Sky and Polish Governmental Power, but it owns a range of smaller franchises and corporations. However, though the official estimate of the corporation's worth stands at approximately $30 billion, the inclusion of rumour and hearsay forces experts to revise their estimates to well over $1 trillion. However, as with most circumstances surrounding the Intrubés and the Snickets, little, if anything can be proven.

The nature of the company's secrecy and semi-illegal trading means it is not indexed on stock lists, or in Forbes' rich list. Though it is a public organisation, its shares have been exclusively owned by members of the Snicket and Intrubé families since the company's creation, making it virtually private. Economists believe this has had a psycho-economic effect on V.F.D.'s share value, saying the tight hold both families have over the shares has, over decades produced such demand that a share in V.F.D. is, at any given time, roughly double the value of a share in Dow Jones.

Etymology

Though 'V.F.D.' is thought by all but the most aberrant of historians to be an acronym for something, very few can agree on what it actually stands for. This is mainly because it is only ever referred to as 'V.F.D.' in press conferences, on their products, and in the world's biggest public collection of their document, where none of the three documents contain any expansion of the name. Most believe it is befitting of V.F.D.'s secrecy to have even a secret corporation name, and some go as far as to believe it is not an acronym at all, and simply the founders' good humour to mystify the world. However, many of the historians holding this view were subject to a collective execution for 'dangerous opinions and messages' on the 19th August, 1952.

Popular hypothetical expansions of V.F.D., and their approval rating, are include below:

• Vanity, Sanity, Divinity - 12%
• Varnish Satan's Doors - 8%
• Very Stupid Dealers - 21%
• Vasectomies since Doomsday - 3%
• Vulvaic Syphilis DIsorder - 56%

It was previously believed the company's name was, in fact, in Latin, until Pedro Intrubé stated on a high-profile trip to France: "Latin's shit. All Latin-based languages are shit." (translated from Italian). Recent historians have been looking further than official national languages, and have considered the possibility of a Klingon, Fairy, or even Troll expansion. Others remain convinced that V.F.D. succeeds on the lost wisdom of ancient Mayan tribes, the descendants of which are rumoured to still exist. As a result, in 2003 Madam Coyne spent a year in Peru to observe the relatively westernised Yukuyukumonzela tribe. Upon her return, she gave a statement: "Their trials are barbaric. A young man will enter their trial chamber a healthy, normal lad, and come out nine feet tall with skin that can become invisible! How unsightly! V.F.D. can't possibly want to associate with them."

Though the best people to reveal the expansion of V.F.D. are of course, the Snickets and the Intrubés, it quickly became a taboo subject when a member of congress was viciously assaulted live on air after asking Don Criceto what the company's name stood for. Now speculation over its true nature is limited to history conferences, American Talk Shows and Naturist Pool Parties, where Wallace Intrubé is an enthusiastic member.

History

The history of V.F.D. runs from its formation in 1920 to the present day, where it continues, albeit in a significantly altered form. Though the corporation was officially set up on the 24th April, 1920 and began trading large volumes of spirits later that same day, a business partnership has existed between the Snicket and Intrubé families since the middle of the 19th century. Therefore, V.F.D.'s remarkable rise to economic supremacy can be attributed to the fact that it has effectively existed for at least 70 years prior to its 'actual' formation. Since the business partnership before 1920 was unofficial and largely illegal, there are few formal records concerning its activities, and more are being destroyed each week under clause 42 of the 'Postcard'.

See Also

• Balafalafa
• The Hartley Family
• The Intrubé Dynasty
• The Mafia
• The Snickets

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